LIFE through My weary Eyes

Mr.McDreamy

2010-08-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

Everyone wonders is they will ever find "Mr. Right". You know him, the one that makes you feel whole, the one the you would love to hate, the one that can make your day but also has the power to take that joy away. Yes ladies we have all heard of "Mr. Right". What we all wonder is how long will it take to find him? When will he come? Is he just a figment of every girls imagination. We all would love to believe that he will come and carry us away but sometimes things don't happen the way that we plan. They don't occur the way we have viewed in Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty even Sherek. We all wonder why can't we find mister right. Why can't he really exist in real life. When will he come? Is he even real? I would not consider myself a hopeless romantic but it would be nice to see if he really exists. We all wonder about our one true love, when in all actuality we don't even know if he exists. We aren't even sure that he's real. As much as we want to believe in this "Mr. Right" sometimes we must face the reality. Maybe he won't come, maybe he won't kiss me and wake me up, maybe he won't find my glass slipper or rescue me from a tower, maybe these are things we as females need to do on our own. We need to be our own saviors and our own night and shining armor. So I say why care about this "Mr. Right" or prince charming when we all can accomplish these things on our own. Say goodbye to our fairy tale endings and say hello to the harsh but beautiful reality.

The Licensed Driver

2010-07-28T19:20:00.000-07:00

Hello BLOGGERS!
Its been a while since I've blogged and do I have a lot to account for in theses past few months. For starters, I passed my road test and that took a lot of hard work and dedication. Hours of driving lessons with Mr. Tony Gomes and not to mention hours of lessons with my grandpa Sol who is 84 years old. God Bless him. Nothing gives him more joy then to teach his grand children something, even if he's told us this story a billion times. After passing the test I made the most ridiculous mistake. Heres how it went.

I took my road test at about 1:30p.m. and completed it around 1:42p.m, passing with 95 points. 5 points were deducted because I made a wide left turn. So after the instructor and I had pulled over I began to cry because I passed. I never in a million years would have thought I would pass, especially because my mother had no faith in my driving abilities. But that day I proved everyone in my family wrong including myself. I passed and all I could do was rejoice. Because of my excitement Tony deiced to drive me home. We reached my drive way where I was greeted my both my mother and sister. I never received so many pitiful hugs in my life. It was one of those hugs that meant "We are so proud of you, even though we never thought you would make it." How reassuring could that be? My mother said since I was now a licensed driver, was could drive myself into town and she would pay for my lunch. Although she made a kind gesture, I thought to myself, "Really?! Town1 Whoopdedoo! a ten minute drive all by myself. How grown up is that?" I was hoping to explore, go on the high way and open all of the windows. Let my hair be caught in the breeze. But I was allowed to drive to town." Some accomplishment that was. After i finished at the deli i made my way back to the car when some random guy tries to get my number and failed miserably. I hopped in the car and headed for home, which was only 5 minutes away. As I pulled into my drive way I thought I would show my mom I deserved to drive to at least the next town over and not five minutes away. I turned the steering wheel to the left and attempted to pull into my garage. Keep in mind I have never pulled out of the garage and I thought this would be my lucky day, that just because I am a licensed driver I would automatically know how to pull into the garage. As my foot hovers over the break all I hear is a BANG noise. I just thought I hit the can of my dogs poop. I put the car in park and stepped out to see that I did way more damage then I thought. I dented the right bumper and the head light fell out. So much for being a licensed driver huh?

Make Me Cry

2010-01-28T08:59:00.001-08:00

Make me Cry

Chorus

Why do you hurt me baby? Why do you make me cry? Why do you hurt me baby? What i do wrong to you?

I see you walking down the halls but you acting like you don't see me,

strutting around like a movie star on t.v

I wanted to say i love you,

but some how the words just would come out

Now I'm stuck wondering what am I to do now.

Chorus

Why do you hurt me baby? Why do you make me cry? Why do you hurt me baby? What i do wrong to you?

I'm sitting here fighting for a love so strong,

My friends calling me stupid

They say i need to move on.

I look 'em in the eyes and tell 'em I won't go

I really truly love him

But if he don't shape up then he will know

Chorus

Why do you hurt me baby? Why do you make me cry? Why do you hurt me baby? What i do wrong to you?

Bridge

I want to say i love you

But now i have to go

You hurt me badly baby

You claim you didn't know

I guess this is see you later

I guess this is goodbye

Don't worry my eyes are dry

Chorus

Why do you hurt me baby? Why do you make me cry? Why do you hurt me baby? What i do wrong to you?

Schools in Session

2010-01-26T19:11:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my first day back in an actual class room and I was so lost. My first class is modern dance. Luckily I wasn't alone and I had one of my close friends, Tiffany, right along with me. We had to fill out a little information form about our dance experience and why we are taking the class. Besides the fact that I need the class for my major, I really want to improve my dance technique. My professor was very out going which was surprising considering it was 9:20 in the morning, which is a bit to early for my liking. We sat down on the cold, bare and dirty dance room floor while the professor went through the all of the information papers one by one. Tiffany and I looked at each other. As the dance class progressed we had so much fun. We danced and I began to sweat and become loose.
My second class was my vocal lessons. It felt great to sing again and to be learning how to sing correctly. Although he spoke a lot, it was pretty fun. All of his criticism were helpful ones and something I could learn from. Although I have homework from the lesson, the only way I will become better is if I work on these things to better myself as a singer. After that I had first year writing. It was the same as usual. My professor for that class is very awkward. Its not her fault, I guess thats just the way she is. Our syllabus was the most ridiculous thing I've ever read. Not because of her, but because of our end of the year assignment, the freshman essay. It should be called, the most pointless piece of writing of my life. What really through me for a loop was the fact that we received a very elementary grammar worksheet. Really a work sheet? Wow and I thought I was a college student.My final class was piano, boy was that a mistake. For starters I have not played the piano in 8 weeks. I forgot so many things about finger placement and how to play. It was pretty pathetic for the professor to see her last semester students struggling with material that should be a review for us. She was not very pleased. I made a vow to myself that I would work on my voice and piano playing in the practice rooms.
I guess the message from todays blog is the only way to become great at what you do is to practice. Thanks for READING!

Back at SCHOOL

2010-01-24T08:33:00.000-08:00

I just got DROVE back to school. Yes I said drove, and my does it feel weird. I walk through the halls of Spellman and I'm seeing new faces, and noticing that old faces still have yet to return. It feels weird to walk up and down the stairs, like this has become a foreign world, a whole new place once again. It feels good to be back with the girls and all of the others. This semester is going to be a challenge for me on many different levels. But I have faith in myself and a good group of supportive friends who will help see me through, and I will do the same for them.
I opened my room door to emptiness. No noise, null and void sounds filled the rooms vacancy. It felt naked without presence. My roommate had not arrived, and she still hasn't but I await the moment when will reunite. Although we are polar opposites we get along just fine, except for an occasional discrepancy here and there, but thats what roommates do right? I began to unload the my full bags, with the help of my dad. One by one I took each item out of the bag and placed it in its new home for the next four months. I was actually a bit sad to leave home. Although home is only 20 minutes away, I will miss the family environment that it has and my moms good cooking. But I have to come from underneath that shell and be my own person. Be the person that my parents raised me to be.
With every knock on my door from each of my friends my heart began to race and my mind filled with thoughts such as this, " I hope everything stays the same." Although change is inevitable, this change is feared the most. I don't want a new group of friends or to grow distant between one of my friends now. For once in my life I actually fit in and I don't want to be kicked out. But with every hug and every greeting, I began to feel at home again even with my fear. We stayed up all night just like old times. We shared stories about our breaks so that made it fun. We played music and laughed at each others jokes. My fear was turned into joy instantaneously.
Although I still have that bit of fear I'm looking forward to this semester. Yes it will be different but it will be for the better and not for the worst.

The Packing Saga

2010-01-21T20:00:00.000-08:00

Being a college student has both its pros and cons. Well I'd rather start with all of the pros. Besides the fact that I've met some of the greatest people in the world this last semester, the work load is just right for me. Since I mentioned my friends I might as well talk about them right? So here is goes...
There is Latisha. Words cannot explain how much I love and care about her she is the hopeless romantic, very sweet and kind and always has a positive out look on EVERYTHING, thats why I love her. Ashanti is the realist. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings but she will tell you what you need to hear. Avril is the abuela, if you have a problem she will fix it, most of the time. Aneesha is the goof ball. If your having a bad day just find Aneesha and she will make you laugh it off. Kellie is the intellectual, she also thinks she's relationship counselor. The irony in that last statement is that Kellie has never been in a relationship in her life. Tiffany is the party girl with the attitude. If your having a problem with anyone Tiff is the girl you must call on. Estephany, she is the shy one that quietly always agrees and fall asleep anywhere.My close guy friends are Luis, Trevor, Spencer, Anthony and Alex. each of them are very different and they add too my college excitement. Last but not least is one o my newest friends, Danielle. She is a musical theatre major just like myself and she is bubbly and friendly. If you need a person that has a few years over you to speak to she is definitely the person to have a conversation with. These girls are more than most of my reason for wanting to go back to school. They keep me sane in that insane and hectic place. When one of us is down we lift the other up. When we are happy, we make each other laugh. It's like an extended family.
Now for the cons. There is only one and that is PACKING! That is a saga on it own. It's one of the worst experiences a person has to go through. Especially if you are me. I decided to pack today since I return to school on Saturday. Boy did I make a mistake. I started by emptying out my underwear draw on my carpeted floor, and thus the mess in my room began. My mother and sister stepped inside of my room and walked right back out. I guess they were afraid of the mess I had just created. I started grabbing bags left and right. Sorting the clean clothes from the dirty ones. The worn clothes for the new. I even made a give away pile. I piled all of my jeans into a bin, and those almost did not fit inside of the bin. I arranged my many pairs of shoes in a separate bin. During that obstacle I found a couple of pairs of dirty sneakers. So I gathered those in the bathroom and took an old toothbrush and a spray bottle with bleach and scrubbed my sneakers clean. That took a long while.
After the sneaker cleaning I went back to packing my shirts and pajamas. I decided to leave behind some of my pajamas because I noticed that I own way to many. Between my shirts and sweaters, that needs a book of its own. It was very tedious and annoying to fold all of those items, but I know my mother wasn't going to help me so I had to get the job done.
I was relieved when the piles on the floor slowly started to be clothes folded in many duffle bags. After all of my clothes were packed away, I decided to clean my bathroom. Boy wasn't that fun, NOT! That took another hour out of my day. I scrubbed the tub, sink, counters and toilette inside and out. I don't mind cleaning because I hate a dirty sink and bathroom. When that journey was over I laid in my bed tired from all of the strenuous work that I had just completed. Now for all of my college students am I wrong when I say packing is a saga?

The World Around You

2010-01-19T16:42:00.000-08:00

There are many things that go into becoming the person that you are today. Some of us don't like to admit it but we are a product of our past. What ever happened to us in the past has some how taken a toll on us now. It affects the way you interact with people, the way you view the world and the way you view yourself.
I grew up in a pretty strict household. My biological mother worked three jobs and went to school while my twin brother and I were constantly in our babysitters care. Although we spent most of our time with our babysitter, our mother tried her hardest to to be a good role model. But on one is perfect and my mother had a lot of short comings.
My brother and I were forced to grow up based on the stories my mother told us as children. I first learned about sex when I was five years old. Isn't that insane? At five years old I should be building blocks, counting or learning my A,B,C's not learning about the meaning of sex. My mother would also say very inappropriate things around us. I grew up very sheltered but very much aware of my surroundings. Throughout the years I began to notice some of the things my mother spoke about were true. This affected my outlook on the world.
I was and never could be racist given the fact that my foster parents are Caucasian. Before I moved with them I noticed a lot of things about my people, meaning African Americans. Although we were enslaved over 400 years ago and we had to struggle for equal rights, still 400 years later we are still blaming the "white man." It sickens me that my people do not take responsibility for our actions. I'm not saying we don't have it rough because we do, but as untied people we can make it through the struggling times. I look at Jewish people and see all that they went through. No they weren't enslaved for a long period of time but, they did not let them hold their culture back from a prosperous future. They are lawyers, doctors, policemen ect. they are productive as a unit. I've developed so many belief's about my race and other races throughout the years. It's sad but each culture has its own flaws and until we as humans notice that, we will never progress peacefully.
I remember being about seven or eight years old and sitting in the guidance counselors office; we were talking about self esteem. She gave an example I will never forget. She said,"If someone keeps telling you your ugly, stupid, retarded or anything negative for a long period of time, you will start to believe it." For many years I struggled with my appearance because of what someone else told me I looked like and not having enough self esteem to look them in the face and tell them they were wrong. If I wasn't being teased for being short, I was teased for having big lips, little breast, buck teeth, a big head, stubby fingers and so much more. Children are mean and they look for anything to pick on. For a very long time I felt like I wasn't good enough for people to like until I learned to love myself because no one else will love you like you love yourself.
Your experiences have so many affects on the way you perceive individuals, the world and your self. Its sad to say some people don't realize it until they are very old.

It's A SHAME

2010-01-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in my first year writing seminar class one day and we were in the process of writing argumentative essay's. We each went around the room one by one stating our ideas for our individual essay topics. One of my fellow classmates wanted her essay to be about how civil service workers such as; police officers, firemen, crossing guards, garbage men ect. get paid far less then our sports heros. I whole heartedly agreed with Alyssa. Why should a sports star like Alex Rodriguez also known as "A Rod" be offered a multi million dollar contract and our civil service leaders struggle to make ends meat.
Our police officers put their lives on the line daily in their line of duty. Wives and children sit at home wondering if their spouse will return or if they will receive a phone call stating their loved one has been gunned down, or is undercover, or they will have to be relocated because of a possible hit. These dedicated men and women have a daily struggle to make our streets safer and this world a better place and their salary is no where near our precious "A Rod".
Firemen also risk their lives on a regular basis to ensure safety in neighborhoods. These males and females run into burning buildings and houses searching for survivors or family members that could be lost in the rubble. These people are taking one hell of a chance every time they go into a place that is burning. Their families also have to fear will daddy/mommy come home tonight?
I love sports and I am very proud of A Rods achievements, along with any other sports players. I just feel that this country does not prioritize its money correctly. We spent millions of dollars in these past two years building a new Yankee and Giants stadium, but we are in an economic crisis?! We have people loosing their jobs left and right, taxes being raised also the transportation fees. But we can afford to sign these sports stars to multi million dollar contracts and build new stadiums. Did the government think twice about what this money could really be used for? Or what this money could do to help our economic state, or our civil service workers? No not once. What does that say about our country? What does this say about how much we value these people that risk their lives or that have died in the line of duty? Honestly, What does it say?

A Woman's Scorn

2010-01-16T20:00:00.000-08:00

Almost every female has been hurt by a male. That feeling isn't a good one. Your belly tightens, your mouth cringes and shivers. Your body goes weak at any thought of him or what is left. The tears begin to roll down your face slowly but passionately. Sad, confused, angry, disturbed, and longing for what used to be.

Your startled by the words that were just said and you can not believe they are true. You are confused because he was so in love with you. You are angry because it's happened once again. You are disturbed by the thought of just being friends. Your tears fall slowly from your eyes, longing for a love lost which came as a surprise.

All of these emotions begin to build. You mind is filled with past thoughts and preconceived notions about the next guy and what he is all about. You are fearful but bitter at the same time. You want to love but you are well aware that love is blind. Your minds goes blank to thought of another man, but you want love so you give it a chance.

The same story different guy, but the same rules apply. The cycle begins all over again. Your lost in the panic of love. This is all that you begin to think of. You now have been hurt several times. But you refuse to give up trying.

Love has come and gone. Came and went, sometimes you even thought it was heaven sent. You become bitter to the thought of men. You think they are sneaky and only want one thing. You wanted love but that is no longer a desire. Now your heart is filled with fire. Yet again you have been battered with his lies. You think to your self, " why do I even try?" You try because you believe in love. and sometimes its all you can think of. But for everyone that tries to get close, you cut them off so they won't know who you really are. You are full of doubt and you refuse to believe anything that they say. All men are liars, thats the lesson learned from your mistakes.

For the men out there that read this story. Don't exalt yourself with all the glory. Take it from a girl I would know. A woman's scorn is hard to deal with. I encourage you guys to treat the ladies right, because if you don't they won't be a pretty sight.

To My Sister

2010-01-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

Hey all I wrote this Poem for a very special friend but it goes out to anyone I call a sister....

To My Sister

A sista,

Woman of color

Like NO other,

heart of gold,

but hard to unfold

Strong individual

Built for the fight

My sister,

Strong

Elegant

Full of wit

Thats MY sister

Never bowing to a man,

Knowing that she is great

And God has a plan

My Sister,

full of a new surprise

every time i turn around

When I'm in a bad mood,

I know who to call,

and NO not my sister she will never Stall

My SISTER,

Sometimes we may disagree,

and see thing WAY DIFFERENTLY!

but at the end of the day she knows what's best,

So I shut my mouth,

Hang my head,

And give it a REST

My Sister,

She's been through a lot,

But she is a fighter,

although she will never admit it,

I know she won't quit.

My sister,

Pretty smile,

cute dimples,

HIGH pitched voice,

But she doesn't have a choice.

Long hair,

Don't care

WHOLESOME girl,

She'll rock your world.

My SIS!!!

I love her to death,

because she is the best...

A sister,

My sister,

My Sis,

Strong willed,

Hard working,

Fighter to the end

But most of all she is my BEST FREIND!!!

By,

Myosha Smith

Lost and Found

2010-01-15T11:01:00.000-08:00

I would like to apologize for missing yesterdays blog. I was actually busy for a change... So I owe you guys two blogs for today...

I have so very exciting news, I found my long lost sister that my mother gave up for adoption. Thanks to my nosey aunt and her persistence, I found Hope Jenkins, my 21 year old sister. It started about a year ago when my aunt went on the search for Hope. She found her on myspace and then facebook. That's when I wanted to pursue looking for myself. I messaged her and said please don't let my mothers mistakes ruin what could be a great connection. To my surprise she wrote back and sent me her number and I was so happy. So many things wee going on in my head. I wondered if she would have replied, or if she would want anything to do with me. I was so scared and I began to give up. Until I saw the private message on facebook and my heart stopped. I had tears of joy and I was so happy. I thanked God for blessing me with the chance to get to know a beautiful person with a beautiful heart and she was very well raised. I was also so happy that God opened her heart and let me into her life. I am so happy that I getting a chance to get to know her. I'm so excited because I have a new person to share stories with and I've always wanted an older sister. But I know that there is a lot of lost time and we can only catch up. I was lost and now I am found, and I found a beautiful person. Thank You Hope! I LOVE YOU SIS!!!

If I Had A Song

2010-01-13T14:59:00.000-08:00

I wrote this poem for someone I thought was very special.... A lot has changed since then. I'm not sure Why I'm putting it in my blog but here it goes....

If I had a Song

I wish I could find a song

That would explain how I feel

The I would sing it to you

And you would know thw words I sing are real.

When I am around you

My heart stops,

My belly tightens,

The butterflies come.

My mind is empty,

Lost,

Blank,

Oh damn, I have to remember how to think.

Words can not begin to fathom my emotions

Everything just feels so right,

That it begins to become a huge fright.

Never once in my life have I felt a guy was in my life for a reason,

and not for a season.

Its something about you that gives you edge,

excite,

fear,

doupt,

happiness,

longing and wanting

And the list can go on.

I fear my emotions

Which is something I know I should not do,

But damn it BABY,

I'm just so in to YOU!

Is it the way you smile at me,

And I smile back,

Is it the way your eyes pierce my soul,

So I feel like I'm under attack,

Is it the way your lips ress slowly against mine,

And it feels as though we just stopped time

Is it the words you say,

Like you see my potentical and so much more.

It's crazy how much you make my mind sore.

I've only known you for two and a half months

But it feels like I've known you my entire life,

I trust you,

And its crazy that I do

Your like my diary,

I can tell all my secrets to you,

So many things cross my mind,

at all times...

This poem doesn't fully explain how much I care and like you,

I wish I could fing a song,

That fully explains how I feel,

I would sing it to you whole heartedly,

And thats how you would know these words I say are real....

By,

Myosha Smith 2:44a.m

10/27/09

Only one Guarantee

2010-01-12T19:20:00.000-08:00

Many people walk through life like they are owed something. For example, my aunt, she is a great woman but she just feels like everyone in this world owes her something. Personally I don't think that is the way to live. Many loose sight of life's bigger pictures and what is has to offer to people. In this society we are taught work hard and you will benefit. Not saying that is the case in every scenario but it is how we are taught.

Some people never had to work hard at all in their lives so they expect things to he handed to them. Others like my aunt feel like they have worked hard their entire life and they deserve more. I agree with deserving more but the harsh reality is the only thing we are guaranteed in life is death. We aren't guaranteed wealth, happiness, a husband/wife, children or a good paying job. But every human being that enters this world will close their eyes to die one day. It's sad but as humans we aren't even guaranteed good health or a long life.

I find it funny when I hear people talk about their fear of death. How can you be afraid of something that will happen to everyone. I'd be more afraid of my rent getting paid or providing for myself and children, not something that we don't have complete control over. Am I afraid to die, NO! One might ask why. I say, "Why fear something that will eventually happen." I'm not saying I live a care free life but I won't be afraid of death. Death is just another thing to scare humans. There are so many other things to be afraid of like this war in Iraq, health care coverage and our countries economic deterioration, but some people are fearing death. Some of these issues are country is facing at this time could have been avoided given the proper leader. But we have to struggle through the mistakes of others. This goes to show we aren't even guaranteed a good leader for our country.

I feel sorry for people that thinks this world and the people in it owe them something. When they really owe themselves a dose of reality.

Someone's Gotta Do IT

2010-01-11T20:28:00.000-08:00

When most female children are younger they dream of becoming a BABY SITTER! But once they reach the age when they can babysit, they realize it's not all fun and games. Now don't get me wrong I love to babysit. I meet new families and children, I LOVE children. Thats where my problem comes in. I just can't say no to children and I think they sense that. Of course I want both the parents and the children to like me so that they'll let me watch their kids again but I don't want to be strict.

I'm very fun and outgoing. Not to mention it's always the child's choice. If they want to run up and down the stairs with me then I will do so. If they want me to pet their dog 100 times in a circular motion I will do so. As long as it's not putting them in harm or danger I WILL DO IT! I guess that is what makes me so fun. But the time always comes when I say, "Hey guys it's time to go to bed." and that is when the trouble begins. I'm not very good with the NO word and they are just too cute so how can I resist?

This is when the pleading starts. The "Okay I'll let you stay up for ten more minutes but thats it." But then those ten minutes turn into fifteen and fifteen turns in to a half hour until I'm looking at the time and discovering I've been played by a 10 year old. Kids they always get one over on you.

So for those little girls out there waiting to grow up, just keep on waiting because you are not missing a thing. TRUST ME!!!

My Weary Eyes

2010-01-10T18:45:00.000-08:00

These last few days I've been pretty straight forward and a bit rough. I would like to tone it down a bit with some poetry....

My Weary Eyes

Through My weary eyes

Many wonder what I see,

I see struggle,

disappointment,

hope,

longing,

and Pain,

Through My weary eyes

These things I can not explain,

I see children sad and worn,

Scorn from their mothers lost,

Nothing in their eyes are false.

They walk through life bitter and in pain,

These are the things my eyes see through this dark rain.

Through My weary eyes

I see a mothers loneliness,

Sad and burdened with distress,

She's lost her will to move,

walk,

and probably think,

All because of those needles strong ink.

It's poisoned her mind and her blood,

She's lost and doesn't not want to be found,

To that needle she is bound.

Through My weary eyes

I see struggling and sorrow,

the whole nation hopes for a brighter tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow will bring more prosperity,

Maybe tomorrow we all will be free,

Through My weary eyes,

I see the storm ending,

and the clouds stepping aside,

with hopes for a better ride.

Through My weary eyes

My tears still fall,

I wonder if they will cease,

Ever?

At All?

By,

Myosha Smith

1-10-10 9:58 p.m.

Everyday We have to Fight

2010-01-09T15:06:00.000-08:00

Webster has many definitions for this word but my favorite is as follows:To act in opposition to anything; to struggle against; to contend; to strive; to make resistance.

Everyday we as human beings are fighting for one thing or another or one cause or another. There will always be this constant battle with man and everything around it. Either we're fighting for the better position at work or our brother's and sister's over crayons. We are always in a continuous battle. This leads me to ask, What does all of this internal fighting do? Does it make you stronger or even more competitive then you already were. Where does this fighting actually get us? Yes in a sense it makes you stronger and more aware but it also makes you very defensive. Not saying that defense is a bad thing but to always have your guard up can be a bit nerve wracking. I would know first hand.

I ask all of these question because I consider myself as a fighter. I must strive to better then the next and the one after that and the one after that. Some might say it is good to set high standards for yourself and others may look at you as being competitive. I see fighting as a big paradox. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you don't fight for things or try to be on top then people will walk all over you and treat you like you are nothing. On the other hand, if you are a little bit too competitive for to someone else then your considered an egotistical jerk. And thats not good.

I'm not sure what my suggestions are one this one. I believe in fighting for what you want and what you believe in but should there ever be any limits? That is my question for my readers

The Mr. Martin Scandal

2010-01-08T10:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I started to speak a little bit about the Claudel Martin scandal. Mr. Martin has been teaching and coaching at Thomas Jefferson High school for more than two decades. He is very well respected by the members on both the boys and girls track teams. He also receives frequent visits from former alumni. This is only some of the impact Mr. Martin has on his students. The impact he had on me personally was his belief in me. Although I was not the greatest runner, he saw something in me. Mr. Martin saw my determination and integrity in wanting to improve my running skills. This is why I have so much respect for him. He is not only a great coach but also a wonderful roll model as well.

Now for the SCANDAL! It started when the principal of my school, Ms. Lottie Almonte hired a new outdoor track coach after christmas break in 2009. Ms. Almonte never mentioned to Mr. Martin or the track team that he was being replaced for the outdoor season. The boys were furious as were the girls. I myself was in a state of shock. We all knew that Ms. Almonte didn't really like Mr. Martin, but we never thought she would have gone this far. She claimed that Marti (Mr. Martin) changed one of the athletes grades so she would be eligible to run and that he had juice delivered to his home that he would distribute after practices. I can tell you first hand that these allegations against Marti are false ones. No he did not have the athletes grade changed, he merely spoke to her gym teacher. Because the young lady plays a sport she automatically passes gym. As for the juice, the track team didn't have a budget. We weren't good enough for one. So Mr. Martin took money out of his pocket to make sure after practice his athletes had something to drink. Is there a crime in caring for your athletes?

These allegations led to Mr. Martins name removed from the outdoor roster and the boys had a new coach, whom they would never train with because of their loyalty and respect for Marti. I couldn't take it anymore until one day I sat down and wrote a letter to the chancellor Joel Klien. I explained to Mr. Klien everything that has been going on at Thomas Jefferson Campus and the injustice the track athletes were up against. I also started a petition on the topic and delivered it personally to his office with three other members. With that meeting after meeting came about but still our voices weren't being heard until I pointed out how corrupt the system is. The officials only take care of the ones that are for them even if they are wrong and anyone else who against them get dragged through the fire. Is that justice to you? Now a year later and Ms. Almonte and her men left the school but Mari still is battling for his job. The children are not being heard. Every time we call the superintendents office or some other authority we are ignored. But that is what they call justice....

-Thank You

Intro To A new Blog

2010-01-07T18:01:00.000-08:00

Most 18 year old college girls would rather hang out friends then to blog their every waking moment. I was in the car with my dad on day and he said, "Meme you have an opinion about EVERYTHING! Why don't you create a blog." I thought to myself, " Why would I do such a thing." Yes my father was right. I stick my two sense in everything that I see and hear. I'm not sure why I am so opinionated but its been with me since I was a wee little tot.

Here is a little background information about myself. My name is Myosha Smith and ever since I came into this earth I have not had it easy. My birth mother is a recovering drug addict and my brothers are not too far from her. One of the greatest things my mother has ever done for me was enroll me in The Fresh Air Found program.The Fresh Air Found is a summer organization for inner city youth to spend time in a rural or suburban setting for 2 weeks. I met the Tane Family in the summer of 1998. I was a bright and bubbly seven year old girl whose life was about to change forever. When I got off of the metro north in Mount Kisco, Lisa Tane was stand there waiting for my with a name tag that said "Myosha Smith". She and her two little girls Olivia 5 and Vanessa 2 stood proudly at there mothers side looking at the new addition to their family. I can still remember the first car ride to Briarcliff Manor. I sat in the back row of the mini van while Lisa fumbled over my name. I finally told her to call me Meme and thus the journey began. Later that evening I met the only man I would ever call dad, Josh Tane an antique dealer. Since then the Tane's have become my legal guardians which made me the happiest person in the world.

Let's get down to business. Today was not one of the most exciting of days. I stayed home and faxed a bunch of financial aid papers to my college. After that long endeavor I called my high school track coach only to hear that the situation that occurred last year only became worst. Man was I upset.... I gave you guys a little bit too much information today so tomorrows topic will be on the scandal against my track coach Mr. Claudel Martin.

- Thank You for reading tell me what you think.